First Hurdle

So it's raining out today. My friend just cancelled walking this morning. We having been walking everyday together but today I have to decide if I'm going to go by myself or not. I used to walk by myself all the time no matter what weather or how early. Now I just don't feel like it and am a little bit scared to be in the dark. To most people it's not a big deal but I feel like if I give in this time I will the next time and the next. The beginning of the end. *Sigh* I really really don't want to but I will. I think there should be a law that you can't flake on your friend in the first week of a new goal.

Anyhoo...I started my diet yesterday. Not much of one yet. I just can't eat fast food and or soda or juice made from concentrate. I figure if I go easy on myself at first it will be better in the long run. After this week I am going to gradually lower my portion sizes and add more salad and steamed veggies to every meal. The most important thing is I can't backslide. So if I really want something I won't get rid of it until I know I'm ready to let it go forever.

You are probably wondering the progress so far. Basically, I stopped gaining weight so fast. lol I think this week I will maintain my current weight. And next week I will start losing. Slow and steady wins the race right?

Day 6

Okay, I pose this question to you all. Is it okay to believe in stereotypes? I strongly feel that it's wrong to lump any group of people together for any reason. Whether it's a religious group or race or body type or social class. I know for a fact that you look a typical way and be completely different on the inside. I am one of those people. My friend today on our walk was trying to legitimize stereotypes saying "there must be a reason for them". Of course there are reasons. Doesn't make it fair or right. It wouldn't be ok to assume that if you are Italian you must be a mobster. Or because you are upset and black and female that you are an just a typical "angry black woman". My friend is the nicest most loving person I know and I just don't understand how she doesn't see how hurtful it is. Even if its a benign stereotype there are people out there that use it to feel hatred towards that group.

The crazy thing is that I was telling her people should be judge on their actions and she disagreed with me again. That "who are we to judge". *sigh* It's so backward I wanted to pull my hair out.

Anyway... I went to the doctor yesterday and she yelled at me. My blood pressure was high and I hadn't lost any weight. I'm thinking by my next visit I'll have a surprise for her.

Day 5

First, I love my new tiny juicer. I made the bomb kiwi apple tangerine smoothie today. It wasn't hard cleaning up after either. That is going to be an easy goal to keep up. But as for the walking... I failed yesterday. I walked out of my house and saw a bunch of weeds. Ended up spending an hour in the garden instead of walking. Now today I'm all dressed to go and I can't find my ipod. Grrrrr. Normally I would take this as a sign to not go but I can't. I have to at least make it five days. I just know if I don't make it enjoyable then I won't keep it up.

Second, why are all my friend bailing on me? Its winter, I know, but we live in Southern Cali. I saw someone in flipflops and shorts yesterday. So next week I'm adding to my list: finding a way to motivate my lazy ass friends.

Okay, I'm off to look for that dang ipod again then out to walk the pounds away.

Day 3

So it's been three days and no comments as I suspected. No biggie.

Let's see.... I bought a cheapo juicer yesterday. I've been shopping juicers for a few months now. There was not one particular brand that I only heard good things about. And the really quality ones are crazy expensive. Like $500.00 crazy. Do people really spend that kind of money on silly stuff like that? So anyway, I bought this ridiculous $14.00 one from Walmart. I realized it's my determination that will keep me dieting and not how fancy or easy to clean the juicer I get is.

I had a great day with my Dad yesterday also. We have this weird relationship where I end up being the parent most often. He's always in a spot and needing food or money. I resent it and a lot of times our time together is awkward. Today was a different story. He was a real dad and fixed my plumbing for me. I paid him of course, but it would have been twice as much if I called a plumber. I really appreciated his knowledge and he was in a great mood. He spent quality time with Gramma (his mother) which meant the most. She really adores him and he avoids being around her usually. I think the fact that her personality has changed so much creeps him out. I don't blame him. I bothers me as well but I've gotten used to it.

I didn't go walking or exercise yesterday, which means I have to get my butt out there today no matter what. I made plans for this morning with a good friend to go walking but she's been flaky lately. No excuses...if she bails I will go by myself.

As you can see I posted a pic of my large tummy. Don't be alarmed folks. Hopefully that will be looking a lot nicer in the coming months.

Sticking with the Plan

So today I realized what my problem is. Are you ready? I never ever ever... ever finish anything I start. I looked a back at my short 30 years of life and realized that's true in every aspect. I can't keep a diet, a relationship, a job, my house clean or any normal routine. There is a big embarrassing problem I have. I won't get into now but will tell you all eventually. Also, I'm 250 pounds, single and living with my 71 year old grandmother with dementia.You would think I was totally depressed. But I'm not. I used to feel like a victim of my circumstances but not anymore. Now I just feel guilty for letting things get like this. I want to take responsibility for not having any follow through.


Recently I decided to try the lemonade cleanse. 10 days of just lemonade made from "grade B" maple syrup, lemon juice and cayenne pepper. It was great for the first few days. I was surprised that I didn't feel hungry. I made it to day 7. A friend brought some chocolate cake to my house. (what a great friend right?) The point wasn't that I didn't last 10 days but that I felt so great during the cleanse that I swore that I would change my eating habits. But low and behold today I find myself running through Jack n the Box . I doesn't even taste good, it makes my stomach hurt and then I feel like sleeping for the rest of the day. But I still do it. Like a dodo bird running off the cliff.

The point of this is blog is not a whine fest. The point is to take all this health knowledge I have accumulated over the years and put it to use. I'm going to eat things and do the exercises I know will make me lose weight. The tons of things that have worked in the past that I just never kept up. I want to document whenever I feel like giving up and why. I will get to the bottom of this if it kills me.

After I conquer the weight issue, then will be my spirituality, next financial security and so on. There is something more out there for me and I'm meant to be somebody. Maybe not famous or powerful but somebody. A useful member of society and or helper to others.

My first goal is a double dose. I will walk/gym five times a week and start juicing. 6 fruits and veggies a day. I won't go over board. I will start off easy with 20-30 minutes. No excuses. No procrastinating. Today is the day.

I don't know if anyone will read this or if I'll get a bunch of insults. But just wanted to put it out there. Chastise me, tell me off or just give me some good advice. I need all the motivation I can get.