Sticking with the Plan

So today I realized what my problem is. Are you ready? I never ever ever... ever finish anything I start. I looked a back at my short 30 years of life and realized that's true in every aspect. I can't keep a diet, a relationship, a job, my house clean or any normal routine. There is a big embarrassing problem I have. I won't get into now but will tell you all eventually. Also, I'm 250 pounds, single and living with my 71 year old grandmother with dementia.You would think I was totally depressed. But I'm not. I used to feel like a victim of my circumstances but not anymore. Now I just feel guilty for letting things get like this. I want to take responsibility for not having any follow through.


Recently I decided to try the lemonade cleanse. 10 days of just lemonade made from "grade B" maple syrup, lemon juice and cayenne pepper. It was great for the first few days. I was surprised that I didn't feel hungry. I made it to day 7. A friend brought some chocolate cake to my house. (what a great friend right?) The point wasn't that I didn't last 10 days but that I felt so great during the cleanse that I swore that I would change my eating habits. But low and behold today I find myself running through Jack n the Box . I doesn't even taste good, it makes my stomach hurt and then I feel like sleeping for the rest of the day. But I still do it. Like a dodo bird running off the cliff.

The point of this is blog is not a whine fest. The point is to take all this health knowledge I have accumulated over the years and put it to use. I'm going to eat things and do the exercises I know will make me lose weight. The tons of things that have worked in the past that I just never kept up. I want to document whenever I feel like giving up and why. I will get to the bottom of this if it kills me.

After I conquer the weight issue, then will be my spirituality, next financial security and so on. There is something more out there for me and I'm meant to be somebody. Maybe not famous or powerful but somebody. A useful member of society and or helper to others.

My first goal is a double dose. I will walk/gym five times a week and start juicing. 6 fruits and veggies a day. I won't go over board. I will start off easy with 20-30 minutes. No excuses. No procrastinating. Today is the day.

I don't know if anyone will read this or if I'll get a bunch of insults. But just wanted to put it out there. Chastise me, tell me off or just give me some good advice. I need all the motivation I can get.